at chea dalin's engagement party

March 6

Today, like most days, I saw a homeless woman on the street, standing barefoot by a street vender. Her feet were black like charcoal, clad a purple t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, gray black hair voluminous with knots. Her face was weathered, beautiful, poignant, austere, and pursed between her lips were 3 cigarettes, and then another limp between her fingertips, held up against the smoldering tips of the 3 others, attempting to light a 4th. She inhaled deeply, and when our eyes met, I immediately looked away. It’s one of those moments, when, even if you had your camera (unless you were ignorant or insensitive or both), you wouldn’t stop or let it be known you were looking at her long enough to take her picture, or make her known a worthy lamentable spectacle. But you do wish you had the highest pixel SLR in the corners of your eyes, for those obscure, unsettling moments you wish to always unjadingly remember.

CAS just started a 100 day fundraiser to raise money for construction of a new school building and computers, and we’re still in the first week, so we haven’t yet lost our steam. The goal is for each student in the class to raise $1 everyday for 100 days, an implausible goal to single-handedly raise $3000 (because I have 29 students to raise for, and then myself. The school as a whole wants to raise $40,000, which is 10 times the amount the average Cambodian citizen might make in 1 whole year). My helper doesn’t do much but make excuses why she can’t spare a bit of time to help me, and she’s older than me (age is the determinable factor of respect), so in Cambodia, it works every time. The staff seems to think the best and only way to raise money is to sell food (and it’s valid, Khmer’s love food). But it’s hard to sell food to poor people and receive much profit, and my 6-year-old kids are great at demanding I go home to my tiny kitchen and bake the rest of my life away. Today I made Norwegian coffee cake and popcorn. Yesterday I made peanut butter cookies and muffins. I sell most of it for either 7.5¢ (300 reil) or 12.5¢ (500 reil). Go me, the new pseudo-domestic Trina (who could potentially increase your risk of diabetes). The school has become a frenzied marketplace. It’s a competition between classes. It’s exciting, exhausting, and much more stressful. My kids love it, though. I’m tired. It takes hours to buy and prepare, on top of all my other work which occupies enough time as it is. I’d like to think that the school appreciates my efforts, but all it really needs, and wants, is my money, which I’m not bringing in much of.

Other than that, I’ve been trying to scrimp on a budget I’ve continually proven inept in keeping. Been occupying my small amount of free time with old pirated Malloy produced surf films, McSweeney’s literature, and all 3 seasons of Arrested Development. Mom is coming in 3 weeks. I can’t wait. Can’t wait. Can’t wait.